Saying Goodbye to Eliza

I apologize if my blog is bringing up past hurts for anyone, and feel I should post a disclaimer warning the following post contains sensitive content regarding miscarriage. I process my emotions through writing, and I’m dealing with a lot of big feelings due to the recent miscarriage of our baby, so you can expect lots of writing on the topic for a little while…

The night I started miscarrying I kept calling my midwife over and over because I had never experienced anything like this before and was totally confused and overwhelmed. I needed someone to walk me through what was going on, and she was so calm and reassuring.

At one point I remember us talking about me feeling weird about flushing my baby down the toilet, yet not being able to fish it out. She told me to try to save some of the baby’s tissue and find a way to memorialize the baby – bury it, put it in the ocean, just do something so there’s a place and time to mark the existence of this baby… I liked that idea…

Suddenly I was gushing tissue and blood again, so I found a little container in my cupboard and caught some of it, put the container in a baggie, wrapped it in paper towel and put it in the back of the bottom of my fridge until we could deal with it together as a family. That was in the wee hours of Thursday morning.

Today was the day we planned to take the baby to the ocean and say goodbye… My boys were going to town to pick up a few things from the health food store for me and run a few other errands, so I suggested we go down to the ocean first and then I would take them to the ferry. We picked a spot on Berry Point Road because that is where Brent proposed to me, and also where we got married. It’s a particularly special spot for our family.

When we got in the car, I told my son what we were going to do, and he started crying and saying over and over how sad he was. I felt myself tearing up. Then Brent, who was driving, suddenly burst out laughing and when I looked at him like he was an insensitive buffoon, he grinned sheepishly and said, “I saw some guy holding his hand to ear like he was talking on the phone. It was funny. Sorry.”

The waves are not usually very big here because our little island is sheltered by Vancouver Island, but today the wind was gusting and the waves were crashing unusually large and wild. There were two cars parked at “our spot” when we arrived so I suggested we walk down the rocks a bit for some privacy. Brent had our camera and I warned him not to get it wet.

I found a small inlet that looked like a good place, and just before I unwrapped my little package to release the baby, a huge wave came crashing in, soaked my feet and legs, I slipped on the slippery seaweed covered rock, and Plop! I landed on my butt in the ocean. We all burst into laughter. WOW, it was cold!

I scrambled to my feet and moved out of the wave’s way, found a different spot nearby, and released the baby.

The waves moved the tissue and blood in and out, in and out… and it slowly unfolded like a crimson flower. It was strangely beautiful – the most vivid red imaginable.

On the way back to the car my son and I held hands and giggled about me falling in the ocean.

“Mom, we didn’t even get to find out if it’s a boy or a girl,” my son started sobbing in the backseat as we pulled on to the road.

“Which do you think it was?”

Without hesitation, “A girl.”

“Then a girl it is. Should we call her Ellie?” (the nickname we had picked out if our baby had been a girl)

“No, lets call her Eliza. Mom, I’m so sad right now.”

Brent was silent and didn’t want to talk, lost in his own private thoughts.

We went back to the house so I could change into dry clothes, and when I got back in the car M said, “Mom, I figured it out. Sometimes there’s life, and sometimes there’s death.”

“Yes, and you are life, and we will always hold Eliza close in our heart and will never forget her.”

Life often strangely twists the tragic and hilarious together in a way that brings hope and joy back to our hearts.

Agave Nectar – Good or Bad?

Back in August of 2009 my family embarked on a natural healing cleanse. One of the major changes we made was eliminating all sweeteners from our diet because we all had an overgrowth of candida, and “sugar” feeds yeast. The one sweetener we were permitted was Agave Nectar. It’s “natural”, it’s raw and organic, it has a low GI index and doesn’t affect your blood sugar/insulin levels like other sweeteners, and it doesn’t feed yeast. And it tastes amazing!

I started cooking with it all the time and adapting recipes to be “sugar free” by replacing the sweeteners with agave nectar. I made everything from ketchup to chocolate cake with this amazing sweetener.

But now there’s some new controversial information surfacing about Agave Nectar, and I would be remiss in not addressing it. A friend of mine, Elayne, brought this article to my attention, and I have quoted the part that had most to do with agave nectar, but the entire article is worth reading in detail.

In spite of manufacturers’ claims, agave “nectar” is not made from the sap of the yucca or agave plant but from the starch of the giant pineapple-like, root bulb. The principal constituent of the agave root is starch, similar to the starch in corn or rice, and a complex carbohydrate called inulin, which is made up of chains of fructose molecules.Technically a highly indigestible fiber, inulin, which does not taste sweet, comprises about half of the carbohydrate content of agave.³⁴

The process by which agave glucose and inulin are converted into “nectar” is similar to the process by which corn starch is converted into HFCS.³⁵ The agave starch is subject to an enzymatic and chemical process that converts the starch into a fructose-rich syrup—anywhere from 70 percent fructose and higher according to the agave nectar chemical profiles posted on agave nectar websites. ³⁶ (One agave manufacturer claims that his product is made with “natural” enzymes.) That’s right, the refined fructose in agave nectar is much more concentrated than the fructose in HFCS. For comparison, the high fructose corn syrup used in sodas is 55 percent refined fructose. (A natural agave product does exist in Mexico, a molasses type of syrup from concentrated plant nectar, but availability is limited and it is expensive to produce.)

According to Bianchi, agave “nectar” and HFCS “are indeed made the same way, using a highly chemical process with genetically modified enzymes. They are also using caustic acids, clarifiers, filtration chemicals and so forth in the conversion of agave starches.” The result is a high level of highly refined fructose in the remaining syrup, along with some remaining inulin.

In a confidential FDA letter, Dr. Martin Stutsman of the Food and Drug Administration’s Office of Labeling Enforcement, explains the FDA’s food labeling laws related to agave nectar: “Corn syrup treated with enzymes to enhance the fructose levels is to be labeled ‘High Fructose Corn Syrup.’” According to Mr. Stutsman, agave requires the label “hydrolyzed inulin syrup.”³⁷ Even though, like corn, agave is a starch and fiber food processed with enzymes, it does not require the label “High Fructose Agave Syrup.” Agave “nectar” is a misnomer; at the very least, it should be labeled “agave syrup.”

Agave syrup comes in two colors: clear or light, and amber. What is this difference? Mr. Bianchi explains: “Due to poor quality control in the agave processing plants in Mexico, sometimes the fructose gets burned after being heated above 140 degrees Fahrenheit, thus creating a darker, or amber color.” However, the labels create the impression of an artisan product—like light or amber beer. As consumers are learning about problems with agave syrup, the label “chicory syrup” is beginning to appear as a non-conforming word for the product. Consumer beware! (Source: Weston A Price Foundation)

What about the low glycemic index? Isn’t that a good thing? What about reports that it is causing liver damage?

The Truth About Agave Syrup: Not as Healthy as You May Think (Living and Raw Foods)

Debunking the Agave Myth (That’s Fit)

And finally, a less alarmist viewpoint on the Agave Nectar debate:

Sugar, High Fructose Corn Syrup, Agave Nectar: Which Should You Choose? (VegFamily)

I want people to be able to draw their own conclusions, but here’s my personal take: it makes the most sense to stick with sweetener sources as close to their original state as possible, the same way I choose other foods – whole and unprocessed, natural and local. Local honey. Organic pure maple syrup. Unrefined cane sugar. And of course, use moderation in all choices. Will I still buy agave nectar? Not likely, unless I’m doing a candida cleanse, in which I did find it most helpful.

Finding my Groove again…

My life was starting to centre around a new baby arriving in approximately 6 months and I’ve had to really adjust my focus the last couple of weeks. I opened a drawer yesterday to get my scissors and immediately noticed a couple little flannel newborn nighties I picked up at the thrift store and a little pair of tiny gap shoes my friend found for the new baby. I took them upstairs and put them away in a bin in storage, along with the three ring slings I scored at the local recycling depot. Closure.

Yesterday I got a letter from the BC Foster Care agency listing the upcoming dates for the foster care orientation classes we enrolled in last month. It’s part of the grueling long process to become approved foster parents. When I woke up this morning I felt a sense of excitement that I couldn’t place, and then I remembered we are going to have a new child in our home in about 6 months. It won’t be a newborn baby like we had hoped. It will be a hurting child who has experienced too much heart ache. It will be a girl. She’ll be around 5 or 6 years old. She’ll be a child to love and welcome into our home. It’s meant to be and our hearts are aching to meet our borrowed child.

March has come in like a lamb and my hands are itching to get into the garden dirt. Herbs and veggies, mulch and compost. Organic fresh produce. Oh joy! My pasty white winter skin is longing for the sun and fresh air. I have a long checklist of things to do… find some old wood to re-use in building garden beds… get a pile of dirt to plant seeds on top of my lasagna garden beds… source some mint shoots from friends and family… get some decent tomato cages… buy more seeds… find some wood chips to use as garden paths… dig up the miles of parsley taking over the herb bed… check my garlic shoots… transplant bulbs into the flower garden… figure out how to refill the whipper snipper thread and trim the grass in the garden area…

I called my grandma Jean today. She’s going to be 87 years old in July, and is still as spunky and spry as I remember her when I was a kid. I keep her updated on the news in our family out West, and she keeps me updated on the news on our family out East. Her and Grandpa have been married for 67 years. My grandpa will be turning 89 years old in two weeks, but suffered a severe stroke last year that has affected his speech and sight, and he was already mostly deaf, so she has become his full time round-the-clock caregiver. He used to love working in his wood shop, was a voracious reader, but now he’s no longer able to communicate, hates TV, and is unable to read due to his loss of sight. Grandma says they bought a treadmill and he walks numerous times throughout the day, winding down his final years, like a hamster on a wheel. All of their friends died many years ago now, and they are now living in a grandparent suite at my Aunt and Uncle’s house. Grandma wants to come visit me and experience our little island here, but can’t leave Grandpa. I pray that his – and her – suffering will end soon.

Jobs. I have had three different job opportunities present themselves to me over the past week. I didn’t actively seek any of them out, but all three came about through friends and family recommending me for the job! I’m a blessed girl. Praying that the one I really want works out. I’ll post more when I know more…

So… my life turned upside down on Wednesday and Thursday. Today it’s righting itself. Life is a funny, strange, hurtful, joyful, wonderful thing. One of my oldest (she’s not old, we’ve just known each other a long time) and dearest friends wrote me after I told her about the miscarriage and she said some very wise words, “one of the wonders of being older is you know that life is in cycles and when you have to experience the sad ones yourself it hurts, but with that knowledge you are able to carry on…” It certainly does…

A GCM Statement: It is Time to Speak Out Against the Teachings of Michael and Debi Pearl

As a long-time member of Gentle Christian Mothers (GCM), I would like to publicly support the following statement released this week by the admins of GCM. (Source: Facebook GCM Page)

This statement may be re-posted in it’s entirety.

The admins of Gentle Christian Mothers (GCM) have felt led at this time, as we mourn the loss of seven year old Lydia Shatz[1], to issue a statement of disagreement with Michael and Debi Pearl and their child rearing methods. Not only are their methods extreme and outside the realm of normal and healthy child rearing practices, but the doctrinal foundation for these methods contain a level of heresy, including denial of the Christian doctrine of original sin[2][3], which leave them without biblical basis and at odds with the truth that all are in need of salvation which has been provided through Jesus alone[4].

Though the Pearls affirm the value of relationships in parenting in their attractive “tying heartstrings” message, their harsh teachings are in diametric contrast to building healthy relationships. They advocate “training” and “chastisement” of children, starting in infancy[5][6], using methods and means not described in Scripture — including using ¼ inch plumber’s supply line as a spanking instrument[7] and claiming that a “proper spanking leaves children without breath to complain”[8] — for stated purposes of absolving guilt and cleansing the child’s soul[9].

The combination of an adversarial us vs. them mindset where the parents must “win,” physically “disciplining” children until they surrender their will and show total submission, and false doctrine makes the Pearls’ methods dangerous. They present a very distorted picture to the world of what it means to be a follower of Jesus and a Christian parent in the world today. It is time for Michael and Debi Pearl to be held accountable for their teachings. We urge other Christians to join us in speaking out against what Michael and Debi Pearl have been teaching for far too long.

References

1. Godly discipline turned deadly: A controversial child “training” practice comes under fire — this time from Christians themselves, Lynn Harris, Feb. 22, 2010
2. Second Council of Orange (529)
3. Teaching tape on Romans 5:12-21 by M. Pearl
4. Michael Pearl on Original Sin: An Analysis, Catez Stevens, October 11, 2005
5. To Train Up a Child, M. Pearl, D. Pearl, chapter 1
6. “In Defense of Biblical Chastisement Part 2,” M. Pearl, October 2001
7. Ibid.
8. “Angry Child,” M. Pearl, August 1998
9. “In Defense of Biblical Chastisement Part 1,” M. Pearl, May 2001